That day, the air on the street seemed to freeze. This city, like an abandoned factory, has long lost its original vitality. Pedestrians in the streets and alleys walked hurriedly, as if they were trapped in some unsolvable vortex, wandering back and forth, coming and going, but they could never find the exit. And I, also walked without direction in this bustling street.
I don’t know what I am looking for. I walked into a tavern and sat down. There were a few cigarettes, matchboxes and cups scattered on the table. I lit the cigarette and took a deep breath, full of confusion. The air here is mixed with sweat and alcohol, which makes people feel inexplicably heavy. The owner of the tavern is so old that he can’t be any older. The wrinkles on his face are like engraved on a stone tablet. His eyes are deep, as if he has seen through the impermanence and hardship of life. He glanced at me and whispered, “Guest, would you like some wine? Don’t stay here any longer, time waits for no one.”
I didn’t answer, but just looked at the bottles of wine silently, thinking: Is there really no way out for people in this world? They are all trying their best to survive, but what is the final result? It seems that all the efforts are just to survive, but nothing has changed.
I remembered the old things at that time. Once, like everyone else, I was full of dreams and threw myself into the embrace of society with passion. However, as time went by, the future that I once longed for gradually became blurred. Now, I can no longer recall what my original dream was, I only know that life is becoming more and more empty and unbearable. Those “goals” in life seem to be just used to fill the emptiness in my heart and fill this endless blank.
I saw that the people around me, no matter what job they were doing or whether they were desperately pursuing fame and fortune, the expressions on their faces were getting more and more tired and numb. No one thought about their own hearts anymore, and no one thought about those abandoned dreams. Everyone seemed to be forced by this world to move forward in an unknown direction. The road ahead was still blurry.
The tavern owner looked at me in silence, as if he had long been accustomed to these meaningless silences. There was a kind of indifference in his eyes, that kind of deep, inescapable fatigue, as if he was indifferent to everything. We all know that life is like this, everyone is trying to struggle, and the final outcome is only a stagnant pool of water, without any fluctuations.
I put down the cigarette and looked around. There were not many people in the tavern, only a few people sat quietly, drinking with their heads down. There was a suffocating silence in the air, as if all the sounds were swallowed up by the hustle and bustle of the city. Even those passers-by who wandered outside the tavern seemed to have no language to speak. They walked fast, their eyes were blurred, as if there was nothing that really belonged to them.
Sometimes I wonder, what are these people doing? They are busy every day, and it seems that everyone has their own way to go, but what is controlling their lives? I never dare to ask, because I understand that there is no point in asking. No one can give an answer.
I thought of the scene that often appeared in my dreams. It was an empty square, surrounded by desolation. There were no birds singing, no human figures, only the wind blowing, leaving a hollow echo. That was the most real world in my heart, desolate, lonely, but full of unknowns. Whenever I walked through that empty square, I could always hear the cry in my heart, as if saying, “What on earth are you living for?”
But I could never find the answer. Life is like an endless vortex, sucking us into it and unable to break free. I tried to escape from this city and go to another place to find a less confusing future. However, I soon discovered that no matter where I went, the emptiness and powerlessness in my heart could never be shaken off.
People often say that life is to strive for happiness. But what is happiness in this city? Is it material wealth? Is it social status? Or is it the recognition of fame? But in the end, we all know that all this is temporary, even empty. Happiness is like an unattainable phantom. The more you chase it, the more you lose.
The tavern owner suddenly broke the silence: “Young man, life is like this, there is nothing to complain about. Everyone is struggling to survive in their own little piece of land. Although sometimes they feel very tired, what can they do if they don’t do it?”
His words made me feel a little enlightened, but I couldn’t fully agree with them. Maybe life is like this, full of absurdity and helplessness, but each of us keeps struggling in it. No matter how unwilling we are, we still live in this world and continue to walk.
I stood up, paid the bill, and walked out of the tavern. The streets were still busy, and I walked through the crowd. Suddenly I realized that no matter how life was, I seemed to no longer expect changes. Perhaps this is the final fate of each of us-living silently on the deserted land until one day, it disappears completely.